Q: The first thing you see on your website is "Welcome to my office" – and it's a jet. Tell us more about your office and your workday.
Carey: Where do I start? The cockpit of the F-14 is one of the most dangerous environments in the world to try to figure out. What’s so interesting about flying this airplane is that you can never do it perfectly. You have to be willing to [say], “today is good enough, but tomorrow, you need to be better.” Because when you're working in these demanding environments, it is constantly changing.
It's a place where I learned some really unforgettable lessons – not just in flying, but also in life and leadership. How do you handle relationships? How do you figure out how to lead through adversity?
Q: How did you know you wanted to work in military aviation and fly a fighter jet? And did you experience any early opposition or obstacles?
Carey: Well, I always knew that I wanted to fly.
My dad was a former Marine Corps aviator and then flew commercially for 30 years. My older brother and I grew up playing with my dad's silk maps and flight gear from his time in the service. And my mom was a flight attendant for Eastern Airlines before having kids.
Given this background, I think my brother and I had no doubt that we were destined to be in the cockpit. A path to an aviation career, especially a high-performing military career, is a challenge for anyone no matter how driven, how naturally skilled you may be, or whether you're a male or a female.
What I didn't realize was that it was going to take an extra dose of courage and a huge helping of tenacity, sipmly because I was a female. So there definitely was resistance along the way, and right out of the gate from some of the guys that I ran across, people questioned, "Why do you wanna do this? Why do you wanna go into an environment where they don't support women, or where women aren't even allowed?"
In my mind, it seemed like sucha nonsensical conversation, because airplanes don't know the difference, they don't know who's flying it. This isn't a question about ground combat. This is about whether or not women can fly. I was shocked by running into people right out of the gate that were like, "Women shouldn't fly."
Because of my background and because of having conversations with my dad, I knew the WASPs [Women Airforce Service Pilots] had flown millions of hours in the 1940s, and yet, nobody else seemed to remember that. So here I am 50, 60 years later, feeling like I'm challenging a system that has forgotten women flew millions of hours.
Q: It seems to be an ongoing disconnect in that regard, with people saying, "Women don't do that” – whether it be in the boardroom, having a challenging career, or having both a career and a family – when we’ve been doing it for decades.
Carey: We’re not hitting the critical mass numbers, and culturally not having the discussions. When you have so few women at the table who are fighting for that opportunity, it can feel like there's only one seat available. This can start the challenge of women not amplifying other women that could be sitting next to them because it feels like there's only that one seat. But in fact, if you amplify other women's successes, you now can develop momentum, and [create] are more seats at the table.
Q: How do you get comfortable celebrating without worrying that people are going to think you have an ego or are full of yourself?
Carey: I'll tell you how we do it. We start talking about it directly and specifically in the open with each other, with men in the room.
When you have women that are playing small, because they don't want to rock the boat, because they have to be perfect, because they can't carry around 10 extra pounds, that serves nobody.
Don't wait for an invitation to make a difference. You have to be able to raise your hand before you're ready. Or raise the hand of the woman next to you, because, eventually, you'll start developing that momentum.
Because – almost regardless of industry – the overwhelming majority of leadership positions are currently held by men, this has to be a two-sided conversation because men are the ones who sponsor you right now.
It’s not us versus them, or “We're going to shove a couple of you out of the boat so we can come in.” Men should be just as fired up about realizing that there's all this opportunity sitting in the room that they didn't even realize was there.
If the goal is to have a financially stable and relevant organization for the long-term, this is what you need. The pace of change is too fast, the rate of innovation is outpacing our current ability to fulfill those needs. And if you don't address that gap, if you don't bring more women into the fold, you will not be here five to 10 years from now.
Carey Lohrenz is an author, speaker, and aviator, and keynote speaker at INSIGHTS 2018.
*this interview has been edited for length and clarity