The taboo of office romance: Should HR be concerned?

Maybe it's because of omnipresent reality TV and celebrity gossip. Perhaps it's a general shift in Americans' attitudes toward personal privacy. Or maybe most of us are just too busy to notice or care.

Whatever the reason, the stigma of office romance has faded over the last four years, according to the recent Society of Human Resource Management (SHRM) 2006 Workplace Romance Survey.

For instance, according to the survey:

• Fewer HR professionals think romance is not, or should not, be permitted at their organizations, dropping from six percent in 2001 to four percent in 2005.
• Fewer think couples should not work in the same department, dropping from 31 percent in 2001 to 24 percent in 2005.

Employees themselves feel the same way. According to the survey:

• Those who thought public displays of affection at work should be prohibited dropped from 63 percent in 2001 to 54 percent in 2005.
• Those who thought people in the same department should not get involved romantically dropped from 49 percent to 37 percent.

Sound like good news?

Not necessarily. While the general climate may be warming up to romance in the workplace, many of the concerns about it are complicated for employers and HR. And complacency could lead to unpleasant consequences.

Fear of retaliation of increasing concern
An increasing concern is the conflicts and retaliation that can result when workplace relationships end badly. In fact, those surveyed say their fears of romantic retaliation have increased dramatically in just a few short years. In the 2001 SHRM survey measuring workplace romance, only 12 percent expressed concern about retaliation, while in 2005, the number escalated to 67 percent. (1)

This also includes negative feelings that can build when one individual rebuffs another's romantic overtures. According to the survey, 38 percent of employees have experienced unwanted advances from a coworker.

But despite these risks and others, love is indeed a powerful emotion, and office romance is not only alive and well, it's thriving in the U.S. Forty percent of employees report that they had an office romance in 2005. (1)

Supervisor-subordinate relationships are dangerous
While work may feel like a natural place to meet a mate, and there may be more open-mindedness in general, that attitude doesn't extend to romantic relationships between a supervisor and their direct subordinates.

"Usually these relationships don't work out. They're dangerous and it's best to avoid them," says Dale Fruehauf, vice president of human resources at Ceridian. "They can also create a legal situation for the company. Companies are wise to have clean-cut policies about these types of romances in particular."

According to the SHRM survey, 80 percent of HR managers say these relationships should be off limits - up from 64 percent in 2001. Employees also oppose these relationships, although they feel less strongly than they did four years ago - 60 percent voiced this sentiment in 2005, down from 70 percent in 2001.

Fruehauf also points out that if one party is promoted into a situation where they are supervising their romantic partner, they may be violating company policy. "What can happen," he says, "is that one person has to leave the company so they can continue their relationship and keep it above board."

Keep in mind that work environments are constantly changing, restructurings can occur at any time and formal and informal job teams are created on a regular basis. As a result, a coworker relationship can suddenly turn into a supervisor-subordinate relationship. Add romance to the mix and employees can find themselves in career-limiting situations.

Productivity can also be negatively impacted by supervisor-subordinate relationships, particularly when a coworker feels they're being treated unfairly. "When it's perceived that someone is being favored, it can create gossip and an unhealthy environment that leads to misunderstandings and ill will," says Fruehauf.

Early intervention and education are key
Romantic retaliation can play itself out in a number of ways depending on those involved, and today's headlines have described some sensational examples of what can happen when love goes bad in the workplace. And whether it's on an assembly line floor or in a presidential office suite, nearly anyone can be impacted.

It's often less dramatic forms of retaliation, such as subtle intimidation, undermining another's work efforts or jealously that are practiced - and sometimes go unnoticed by management - that can have a destructive impact - especially when the negative behavior continues over time.

According to Fruehauf, education and early intervention are important in preventing and controlling these situations. "HR can provide value by having the right counseling programs available, both as a preventative measure and also for when situations arise," he says. "It helps to let employees know about potential pitfalls and how to keep things professional."

Bystander or third party harassment claims
Something that's of decreasing concern for HR professionals is sexual harassment claims. According to the survey, in 2001, 95 percent said they were concerned about the issue, while in 2005 the number dropped to 77 percent. (1)

But according to Fruehauf, it's important to become increasingly aware of "bystander" or third party harassment claims. These claims involve an employee who is not directly involved in sexual conduct of any kind. This is a qualified person who has been rejected for a promotion, benefit or opportunity in favor of a less qualified person who has been a participant in a sexual relationship with the decision maker. "If the employee files a complaint, this could mean potential exposure for the company," says Fruehauf.

Regulating and enforcing boundaries
So where does a company draw the line with employee relationships - and can they really regulate behavior and set boundaries?

According to SHRM, only nine percent of HR professionals say dating among employees is prohibited, and in the 2001 and 2005 SHRM surveys, more than 70 percent of organizations did not have formal written or verbal policies dealing with romantic employee liaisons. (2) Fruehauf understands the challenges of working with a formal policy and believes HR can often be more effective in an advisory role. "Particularly in this area, HR can be perceived as being a curmudgeon or 'Big Brother,'" he says. "As HR is trying to be more strategic, we want to get away from this perception."

Being proactive, not reactive
According to Fruehauf, the key is to take a good look at your organization, and be proactive rather than reactive.

"Begin by advising employees of the pitfalls ahead of time, instead of trying to enforce a formal policy, which can be challenging," says Fruehauf. "And recognize and accept that when people work together, relationships will form and approach it not as a problem to be solved, but rather an on-going issue that will require on-going attention."

Sources
1) 2006 Workplace Romance Survey, Society of Human Resource Management (SHRM)

2) SHRM survey of 493 HR professionals and 408 employees polled by CareerJournal.com, November 2005