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The office bully: Managing verbal abuse from a company owner or manager

Dealing with verbal abuse from an office bully can be difficult. But what if the bully is a company manager or the owner of the business? And what if quitting your job is not an option? Our Ceridian expert shares solid strategies that help you cope -- and give you hope -- in this challenging situation.

"Dealing with an office bully is tough enough," says Paul Liebig, management consultant for Ceridian LifeWorks. "But for those who must work with an office bully who is also the owner or manager of the business, life can be particularly traumatic."

Faced with the prospect of working for a powerful person who is verbally abusive, many employees find themselves dreading their jobs -- especially if quitting is not an option. "Anxieties increase," Liebig says. "Productivity plummets. Physical health suffers. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. There definitely are ways to cope."

This bully flexes "organizational muscle"
"A bully," Liebig says, "is someone who tries to take advantage of someone weaker." Bullies have insecurities, and they use their power to make up the difference by taking advantage of their position to get what they want. For someone who fears losing power or respect, control is important.

"Bullies pick the weaker person out of the pack," Liebig says. "Someone new, especially someone who appears passive, makes a perfect target for the bully."

Office bullies often flex their organizational muscle through verbal abuse. Continued intimidation by making remarks that are specifically intended to make someone feel bad is bullying. To make a subordinate feel diminished, embarrassed, ashamed or humiliated is a way to control people.

Fortunately, employees can take steps to improve their plight. "Knowledge and action banish hopelessness," Liebig says. "Ceridian has found that there are tangible strategies individuals can use to address the offending behavior and find ways to better cope."

Gain knowledge. Take action.
"In situations such as these," Liebig says, "people feel victimized, and a victim is a person who has no options. For those who suffer at the hands of a bully, there are options." The following strategies can help you gain strength and power.

• Learn what you can control -- and what you can't.
  Face reality. Your workplace is not going to improve on its own. The boss is not going to change. Realize that complaining doesn't help. Recognize that, unfair as they are, these are not your rules. You are no longer operating within your standards, because bullies won't stop using their power to get what they want. Don't expect compassion. Accept what you can't control; this gives you strength.


• Develop resilience.
  Coping successfully means dealing with reality in a manner that keeps you balanced and secure. Be resourceful and develop resilience. Cultivate the ability to bounce back quickly from setbacks. Reframe your situation by changing the labels you use to define yourself: You are not a "victim," you are a "target." Take care of yourself and protect yourself in this difficult environment.


• Be assertive.
  It might seem counterintuitive, but you must learn to be assertive to successfully deal with a bully. Bullies prey on the weak and passive. Avoiding the bully does not work. Take steps to be more assertive. If you are a target of bullying, look the bully in the eye. Control your emotions. Steady your voice when you speak. You'll communicate a more assertive aspect.


• Coach the bully.
  Use the "when you/then I" statement: "When you talk to me that way, I feel diminished and scared." Does your bully berate you in front of others? Approach the person later and say, "When you raise your voice at me during a meeting, then I feel publicly humiliated." Provide specific and concrete suggestions for more appropriate behavior. "I'd appreciate it if you'd give me the chance to respond, and not put me on the spot with the whole team looking on." If this feels daunting, write down what you're going to say and rehearse it beforehand.


• Seek feedback from your peers.
  A bully's reputation precedes them; your colleagues already know the owner or manager is a bully. Find a trusted colleague and ask for feedback. Say, "Here's what has happened to me. Do you have any suggestions? Are there any ways to be effective with this person? What have you done or said that made a positive difference for you?"

Working with bullies can be a difficult experience, made even worse if the bully is your boss or the owner of the business. Fortunately, a little help and the right techniques can keep the bully at bay.

Ceridian's Employee Assistance Programs can help your workforce cope with the trials and tribulations of daily work. To find out how you can help your employees stay healthy and productive contact your Ceridian representative.